Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
