you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Houston, we have a squirter
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
