dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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