Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize