I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
