If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
