she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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