I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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