Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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