Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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