That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
