this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
