matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
