so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
