If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
