Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
