I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
