dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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