come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
