Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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