A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
