I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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