see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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