Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
