How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
