Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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