i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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