At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
