I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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