I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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