I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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