come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
