I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
