You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize