The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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