Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
