I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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