i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
MIDGETS
????
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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