I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
