is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This is my gift to your gina
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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