Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
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