You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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