Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
