So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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