It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
