He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just had sex on a roof
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
