everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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