Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
