how do flat chested girls get laid?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
