We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize