Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
