he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
