he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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