OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Will exercising make me less horny?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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