I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
