I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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