My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
