but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
