his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
