Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
