there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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