i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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