i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
