Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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