I'm lost and stupid without you.
just tell him i said nine months
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
