Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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