they need to just BURY HIM!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
