I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
