I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
